This first post is a personal declaration:
I want to live a wild and grace-filled life with my family and friends. I want to live each day going for it, committed to cheering myself on and relying on God to pursue excellence. And, I want to play in The Open Golf Championship at St. Andrews, Scotland, in 2027.
Why do I feel the need to declare these things?
I turned 50 years old this year. Before you tell me 50 is the new 40, or some other crap like that, let me tell you that turning 50 is an achievement and hard work. I got here, for which I am seriously grateful. 50 years with my family and friends has been wonderful. However, 50 years of being here means I cannot currently touch my toes, even when I sit down. Last year I spent 4 months incremental running to complete a slow 5km, then lost the fitness in 4 minutes when I got sick. And last year, I got very sick. A mixture of mental health struggles - a high risk of heart attack - and seven surgeries to deal with cancer around my left ear. (PS. These ear and neck surgeries seriously messed with my golf swing and shoulder turn!)
When I put all this together at my 50th birthday, it was difficult not to believe that I should give up, that life is hard and it is only going to get harder.
I should say at this point that I have not been this person. I may not have achieved everything I have set out to do, but I have dreamed big, worked hard, and achieved some things. This includes playing golf in some state amateur championships when I was a teenager.
But at 50, I stumbled. My life had the feeling of just watching a game of football, but where my favourite team was getting smashed, and I was only staying because I had committed to see it through to the end.
Then I got worse. I quickly discovered that I could’t have this feeling in one area of my life without it effecting every area of my life. Pretty soon my marriage was struggling, my family life suffered, having fun lost its appeal, and even playing golf felt like a waste of time.
It was at this point that I allowed my family and friends to help me climb out of this dark space.
Here are some of the thoughts I wrote down:
- it’s okay for things to go badly in life. This doesn’t mean life is over or that I need to be defined by my struggles, but they are a part of it.
- I am blessed with one life, and I want to live it with a different attitude to “just see it through to the end.”
- AND, AT 50, I AM STILL ALLOWED TO GO FOR IT. IN FACT, I AM ALLOWED TO GO FOR IT AT 50 AS MUCH AS I WAS ALLOWED TO GO FOR IT AT 20. WE ALL ARE. AT EVERY AGE. I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO GO FOR IT IN MY LIFE.
When I wrote down those thoughts I also realised that some other issues had crept into my life over the years. I was trying to live a life that was safe and secure. I only attempted things when I had a 50-50 chance of making it, which was seriously limiting what I attempted at 50 years old. I was allowing age and health to control my attitude to life. And, I was already just hanging around, waiting for the end, and not pursuing life.
Now, I want to change my attitude. I want to live my life. I want to try new things, especially when the odds are stacked against me. I want to understand my current abilities and limitations, and challenge myself to forget the past and pursue excellence in all things with resilience, perseverance, humility, gratitude and above all else, passion.
Here is what I am committing to, to help me change my attitude. Every day I will:
- exercise outdoors, which can include golf.
- spend time with my family and friends, which can include golf.
- spend time in wonder with God, and allow God to empower me beyond my imagination and perceived limits, which can include golf.
- live a disciplined life, which can include golf.
- go for it in life, striving to excel in everything I do, which can include golf.
Why do I want to include golf and competition as a part of this? Mr Keating said it best, in the film Dead Poets Society, “Sport is a chance for us to have others push us to excel.” And, because my attitude in one area of my life can positively affect all the other areas.
So, as I write this first post, I have become a member of Huon Valley Golf Club, near where I live in Tasmania, Australia. This will provide me with the opportunity to do much of the above. It has been 10 years since I was a casual member of a club, and 30 years since I played in a state amateur championship. By the next newsletter, I hope to have submitted my first card toward’s a current handicap. We will see what I am starting with.
In addition to those commitments I have made, and I also set myself one immediate, mid, and long-term goal:
1. To practice golf with disciplined effort, striving for excellence (but not perfection. There is a difference).
2. To qualify for the Tasmanian Amateur Championship, November 2024, and break par over the two rounds. It is being played at Riverside Golf Club, in Launceston, Tasmania.
3. To qualify for the 155th Open at St Andrews, Scotland, in 2027, and enjoy the experience.
That first goal is important to me as a person, and as a husband and a father and a friend. I have not been known as the disciplined effort type. I have occasionally flirted with it, but I have mostly drifted to a more spontaneous effort type. This has not got me very far. So, I am embracing discipline. I actually think this first goal will be super challenging for me, especially given the first 50 years of my life. But, it is achievable, and a necessary first step. I give myself a 10 to 1 chance of doing.
The second goal is possible. I think. If I can learn a new swing, one that suits my age, and embrace disciplined hard work, then qualifying for the event is probably a 1000 to 1 shot. Breaking par is different. Commonly, less than 10 people break par at these events, so the odds of me doing that are low. Let’s say, a 10,000 to 1.
The third goal is insanely against the odds. If you don’t know, they only let 156 players enter the Open each year. This is 156 players from all over the world, from all the professional golfers and all the aspiring amateurs. At best, the chances are a 1,000,000 to 1. But there is still a chance!
Perhaps you are asking, why commit to these goals when the odds are so low and I am so old? It’s not because I want to beat others or win tournaments. I know I cannot control either of those, even if I am a great player. I am committing to these because I want to live appreciating what I have in life, today, rather than lament what it used to have or possibly can have. I want to strive for excellence today and work with disciplined effort. I want to search for what I do well and celebrate it, and search for how to improve and do it with grace to myself. I am committing to these because I have found that my attitude in life counts. I want awe to be an exercise, both a doing and a being, as Cole Arthur Riley writes. I want what I do in one area to affect all the other areas of my life in a positive way. I want to live a life of grace. I want to extend love and mercy and forgiveness to others, and accept it from God and others. And, I know that I have struggled to do either of these without first forgiving myself.
Yes, there is a high chance that I will not make it. Yes, some of you might think me stupid at the end of the year, and especially in 3 years time. However, I know others will cheer me on, and I will cheer me on, but no matter what the outcome I will still have lived a life of going for it. This is preferable to me than just seeing it through to the end.
This newsletter is called “The 53rd hole” because the next time the Open is played at St Andrews, Scotland - a course I have always wanted to play - I will be 53 years old. It’s a golf/life metaphor. The newsletter is about many things related to my goals and commitments. I hope to describe to you how I adapted my swing to my current age and (lack of) flexibility. I hope to share with you how I practice golf, and what I am working on that week. To share the things I discover as a 50 year old about stretching, strength and endurance building, physical and mental health, and so on. I know I need to work on my hip flexor muscles. I want to share how I am going with my disciplined effort, how I am resisting striving for perfection, and what I am learning on the way. I will also describe some of the different golf courses I play, some of the people I meet, some of my successes and heartaches in competition, all while going for it in life and golf as a older person. Let’s go!
I do not know when I will play the last hole of my life, but I do know that I can play today. I am looking forward to seeing how good I am at the end of this year. How good I am at 53 and potentially playing in the Open. What I hope is that at the end of my life, I can look back and see that I continued to go it, with my family and friends, that I embraced my age but wasn’t limited by it, and that I had fun while doing it.
If you would also like to live a wild and grace-filled life, a life of going for it, I invite you to join me. Let me know how you are going for it, what you are committing to, and what you are working on today. Share your tips with me on how you do it. Together, let’s go for it!
See you out on the course.
Michael.
I love that comment on “playing football was a joy for which I am prepared to pay the price.” I hadn’t thought of it that way, but there is a price to go for it - AND, there is a price to not go for it. Let’s go for it together Steve!
Well, that was one of the most encouraging reads I've had in a long time. That is said from the perspective of a 68-year-old who is wondering why it is that I feel like I have a very good 25 years of investment into building for the kingdom left in me, when I have an electric blanket in order to stop the arthritis in my knees and right hip keeping me awake at night.
Of course, I know why I have the arthritis - 40 years of playing football (round ball, for those indoctrinated by Australian culture). That was a joy for which I am prepared to pay the price. It's the other issues impacting my physical body that annoy me (I'd use another word, but I'm not sure who's going to read this comment ...). Totally undeserved, in my opinion.
This, of course, is only relevant if we are prepared to embrace the idea that "going for it" may sometimes appear to have a price, but that the price is absolutely worth paying.
So, Michael - I am encouraged. Inspired even. To continue to dream kingdom dreams, and pursue those goals, regardless of the price. I will follow your journey with interest - and occasionally reflect on my own renewed commitment to live, in your words, "a wild and grace-filled life".